free hit counter Snacks, please!: She'd be horrified at Jamie Lynn.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

She'd be horrified at Jamie Lynn.

Last week would have been my Nan’s 80th birthday. In celebration, I have pulled out a paper that I wrote – “To Live and Lie in L.A.” -- for a media law class in 1994.

“Margaret Pezzente, a 66-year-old great-grandmother, wears butterfly glasses and her hair is four shades of brown, red, black and gray. She stands chest-high at Italian grandmother-height and is round, round, round. A fat purse hangs open from her elbow, full of coupons and baby photos.

“In the check-out line of Waldbaum’s grocery store, she waits patiently. Her cart has a few oranges, a tray of Stella D’Oro breakfast treats and an Entenmann’s coffee cake, a gallon of skim milk for her daughter’s house, 16 cans of cat food for her crazy mother, and her own ‘stupid papers.’ Mrs. Pezzente buys the National Enquirer and the Star every week, faithfully.

“’I read them with a grain of salt,’ she says. ‘I’m interested in the stars. I like to see who is having a baby or who is getting a divorce. But you can’t say everything is true.’

“’It’s a gossip sheet. I read it like that.’

“Mrs. Pezzente is familiar with the Ed McMahon article that appeared April 13, 1993, in the Star. Its author, Janet Charlton, reported that McMahon had boarded a flight to London with a whiskey bottle in hand. He announced to the other passengers, ‘I always bring my own.’ And then, according to Charlton’s anonymous source, he drained the bottle, passed out cold, and had to be shaken awake by flight attendants at Gatwick Airport.

“’Well, he does drink,” says Mrs. Pezzente thoughtfully. ‘It could be true. Let’s face it. He’s got a bad reputation. I wouldn’t believe it [if they had written] he took off all his clothes!

“But he probably did have a few too many and got wacko.’”

Ohhhh, I love it!! The shopping cart was exactly her: Fresh fruit (because she was on a diet) and pastries (because she really wasn't.) And the ‘got wacko’ line! Aieee! That's Nan, all over again. (Does this make her sound silly? She wasn’t silly. She just liked the stupid papers. Oh, come on...who doesn’t??)


Anonymous S said...

I miss her, too. I still remember when we went shopping together, and I tried on a blouse with far too many pleats. Her comment? "Well, who's going to iron that, missy? Certainly not you!" As part of another crazy diet, she was drinking hourly cups of coffee, which may have made her slightly edgy. We made up over biscotti and more coffee. (I have a subscription to People - it's all her fault.)

January 30, 2008 at 7:26 AM  

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