Secrets of the Sisterhood
At the hospital on Friday, the girls and I squeezed onto the elevator, nearly knocking over the nice... lady who is holding the door, tapping an enormous pointy boot and swinging long blond extensions. She's got to be 6'4", and about half that length is draped in gold. The fringe on her distressed leather jacket is brushing my hair.
I think it's a man. But I'm not sure.
I want to find out, but I am distracted by the typical conversation:
Elderly woman in wheelchair: "Oh my! Are they twins? Two bundles of joy!"
Me: "Oh, yes!"
Daughter pushing chair: "Now she's in heaven. She loves babies!"
Middle-aged man in back: "I have twin daughters. They're 18. They play tricks on me. With their personalities."
Me: "Hm."
I am trying to check out her hands. She catches me looking. I smile. (Advice to the nosy: Best always to smile when caught.) She looks away. Hands are big. But she is big! Inconclusive.
Second-floor, door opens, petite nurse gets on.
"What pretty babies! Are they twins?"
Me: "Yes, thank you!"
"How old are they?"
I want to see the Adam's apple. That's the give-away, isn't it? I crane my neck. "Almost a year!" I say. Argh! Again! I am caught looking! I smile. She does not. "This one is bigger, isn't she," nurse helpfully points out. (Elderly woman is trying to catch Margaret's hand. Margaret waves, and then slaps the air. Lucy giggles.)
Third-floor, elderly woman and daughter exit.
"God bless you!" she calls.
New sweater-set woman gets on: "Wow! You have your hands full, don't you?"
"Yes," I say, edging closer to the door, if I can just turn my head this way and SHE could just turn her head that way...
Fourth-floor and Lucy announces, "Let's go, mama!"
"Good luck!" the new woman calls.
Drat.
But hours later, as I'm drifting off to sleep, I have my answer: A man. Definitely! And no, it wasn't the heaps of gold jewelry. Or the crazy fringed jacket with matching boots. (Which all made me think: My, you're excited about the accessories.)
It was her total disinterest in my pack of babies! At least pretend, girlfriend. Feign interest, envy, sympathy, disgust, something... That's what the ladies do.
(Weight check: 31 lbs.; 21 lbs. 8 oz.; 17 lbs. 4 oz.)
I think it's a man. But I'm not sure.
I want to find out, but I am distracted by the typical conversation:
Elderly woman in wheelchair: "Oh my! Are they twins? Two bundles of joy!"
Me: "Oh, yes!"
Daughter pushing chair: "Now she's in heaven. She loves babies!"
Middle-aged man in back: "I have twin daughters. They're 18. They play tricks on me. With their personalities."
Me: "Hm."
I am trying to check out her hands. She catches me looking. I smile. (Advice to the nosy: Best always to smile when caught.) She looks away. Hands are big. But she is big! Inconclusive.
Second-floor, door opens, petite nurse gets on.
"What pretty babies! Are they twins?"
Me: "Yes, thank you!"
"How old are they?"
I want to see the Adam's apple. That's the give-away, isn't it? I crane my neck. "Almost a year!" I say. Argh! Again! I am caught looking! I smile. She does not. "This one is bigger, isn't she," nurse helpfully points out. (Elderly woman is trying to catch Margaret's hand. Margaret waves, and then slaps the air. Lucy giggles.)
Third-floor, elderly woman and daughter exit.
"God bless you!" she calls.
New sweater-set woman gets on: "Wow! You have your hands full, don't you?"
"Yes," I say, edging closer to the door, if I can just turn my head this way and SHE could just turn her head that way...
Fourth-floor and Lucy announces, "Let's go, mama!"
"Good luck!" the new woman calls.
Drat.
But hours later, as I'm drifting off to sleep, I have my answer: A man. Definitely! And no, it wasn't the heaps of gold jewelry. Or the crazy fringed jacket with matching boots. (Which all made me think: My, you're excited about the accessories.)
It was her total disinterest in my pack of babies! At least pretend, girlfriend. Feign interest, envy, sympathy, disgust, something... That's what the ladies do.
(Weight check: 31 lbs.; 21 lbs. 8 oz.; 17 lbs. 4 oz.)
posted by Mary Ellen at
5:56 AM
3 Comments:
I will never watch you smile at me again without being suspicious.
Oh dear!! That's what I get for sharing the secrets of deception ;)
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved this!
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