Hello, Mr. Rat... Meet Mr. Snake!

From: The Woman
To: The Rats

Re: Your impending doom

There are two kinds of vermin on this little island of small children in the suburbs. There are the rats and... (soon) the snakes. The law of nature is this: Snakes eat rats. And you know what else? If I saw you in the desert, dying of thirst, I wouldn't stop to give you a sip of water.**

See this guy?

He's going to eat you! Like a piece of spaghetti! Slurp! Slurp!

You think you can turn my front yard into your own "luxury" condominium complex? You think you can dig an access road under my violet rhododendron? Ha! Where's your CO?! I know people in the county!! And let me tell you something else -- that community center you've got? Under the ivy? You've played your last game of canasta, kiddo.

See this guy? He's moving in.


He is sniffing you out! Yessssss. I ssssmell you!

We are aware that state law forbids the "purchase" of Virginia black rat snakes, but The Man has a stick and a sack (and enough cash to bribe a few teenagers to do our dirty work for us.) Plus -- do not underestimate the power of Craigslist. Oh, yessss!

Here's another one:



** Get it?? Anyone?