When Did Scrubs Get Style??

Well, Josephine and I are on Day 5 in the hospital. We took her to the emergency room on Saturday when her breathing got funny, and we haven't been home since. It turns out that she does have RSV -- the very virus that Synagis is supposed to prevent. Argh! Can I sue Aetna for denying her the shot? (See below...) I want revenge. I want somebody over there to choke on their own snot for a week, like my little baby. I want somebody over there to get a tube stuck up their nose and down their throat every three hours. And then I want their poop to turn green too, just to freak them out a little more.

She is doing better and I'm hoping we'll be back home by the weekend. She needs to be able to breathe on her own (obviously) and she's not there yet. They tried taking away her oxygen this morning and the saturation levels in her blood fell too low. But she is eating -- and, as you know, I think that must be very good.

Some thoughts so far:

Arlington is not a REAL hospital. More like a hotel where they take your temperature every four hours. It has real cable TV -- Bravo, Animal Planet and FoodTV -- and accommodations en suite, as they say in Ireland. It's nice, really. I wish we could have stayed, but no...

Ambulances are very bumpy. And loud. For a couple of weeks now, ever since I got the adult education catalog from Arlington County, I've been toying with the idea of getting an EMT certification. Just to spice up my life. I am so totally over that now.

Georgetown is a real hospital. It has a crappy linoleum floor and acoustic tile ceiling and everybody looks very busy. Instead of HBO, they show real-time video from inside the hospital chapel.

The nurses know everything. We don't really see doctors, except maybe once a day for a quick swoop with the stethoscope. We see the nurses much more often. (But not really THAT often. I mean, I think we're like THATCLOSE in this country to having to take your own private nurse to the hospital with you, like they do in India and other Third World places.)

Lucy loves it! She loves the fridge with individually packaged juices and the cabinet with individually packaged rice krispies, and also the foaming hand disinfectant. She wears her stethoscope over her shoulder, like a real doctor, and checks the heart rates of our nurses.

But it's weird being back at GU in this capacity. I took a walk thru campus on Monday -- over to Wisemiller's for a blondie, to raise my spirits (and sugar level). And this what my mother-of-three self wants to know: When did sunglasses get so big? And skirts so small? And so many girls smoke! And dress better than I do for work. There was a used book sale in Red Square, which I took to be a GOOD SIGN and I got a Pete Hamill anthology and The Da Vinci Code. I hadn't read it, so that I can feel superior, but I think it's becoming part of the cultural canon and since I don't have TV at home...

(Final message to Aetna: Every day, I order what I hope to be the higher-priced dinner alternative. For example: Chicken piccata or Southwest wrap? Piccata, of course. It has a sauce. You fuckers are going to pay, pay, pay for your witless decision that brought us here.)