free hit counter Snacks, please!: Your loss, baby!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Your loss, baby!

Doesn't she look smart? Searching for riches like Balboa!
Well, she is, I assure you. She knows letters!
Still, it is becoming increasingly apparent that we have been rejected by the Montessori preschool where we interviewed two weeks ago. (I know! An interview! For a 2-year-old! -- and even crazier than that, we failed!) I'm pretty sure it's not Lucy's fault. She put together their stupid frog puzzle. She even pushed in the chair when she got up from the table. What a well-mannered child...)
No, it was me.
If I could imagine the director's point of view...
Parent show up on time. (+5 points)
Parents read to child while waiting. (+5 points)
Oh dear, child appears to be wearing black patent leather party shoes. Tell parents we don't allow those kinds of shoes in school. Parents laugh and say daughter wanted to wear them. Who's in charge here? And her hair looks wild. Ever heard of a comb, Mommy? (-10 points)
Also, let parents know that we don't allow clothes with "characters" on them. Parents say child likes a certain Winnie-the-Pooh shirt. They should keep it to themselves. Parents are quick to add that they don't have television in their homes. Think this is pathetic attempt to make up for Elmo undies, but positive nonetheless. (0 points)
Begin tour. Mother says she's very familiar with Montessori concepts. Good. (+5 points)
Father isn't paying attention. (-5 points)
Enter classroom. Mother wants to know why "Max" has to eat by himself, at a desk facing the wall, while the other children eat together at tables. Because Max can't keep his hands to himself! Mother looks unhappy. Obviously, there is no discipline in their house. (-10 points)
Mother compliments us on classroom supplies, which are abundant, if I say so myself. Explain that our children learn quickly to recognize letters, read, do math, etc. They look impressed! (+10 points)
Child meets one-one-one with teacher. Leaves parents cheerfully. Does puzzle. Follows directions. Very sweet girl! (+15 points)
Mother wants to know where Black and Hispanic children are hiding. Hypocrite -- she's the one who moved to North Arlington! (-10 points)
Mother wants to know if we take special-needs children. Um, I don't think so... (-15 points)
Father isn't paying attention. (-5 points)
Mother wants to know how we handle discipline problems. Explain that we don't expect children to share -- sharing is totally overrated, no? -- and so, we don't have many problems. Mother looks mystified. Wonder if she's not very smart. Then again, dim parents are easily led. (0 points)
Show them circle time, lunchroom, nap room. Father carries child. (Oh no! Is she special needs? Maybe just spoiled...) (-5 points)
Talk about gender differences. Mother claims to know Leonard Sax. Could this be true? Wonder if she can get him to visit school... (+10 points)
Conclude tour in playground. Child runs off. Good. Independent play is very Montessori. (+5 points)
Review application again. See Father works for county government. Can he do something about the traffic out front? (+5 points)
Oh no! Mother works for Communist teacher union! We don't need that kind of crap here. My teachers are very very happy the way things are, I can assure you. (-15 points)
Total score? Oh dear...
Anyway, we were supposed to get a call last week, if they had a spot for Lucylu. WhatEVER! I have been rejected from better schools than this, I can assure you. And I think they were a little too serious for us anyway. Poor little Max! And all that talk about letters, reading, blah-blah. Give me a break. I like books. I love books! But I don't care if Lulu learns to read at age 3. And, call me crazy, but I think it's good to share. We went to visit a different preschool last week and I told them right off, "Look, I just want her to play, okay?"

In other news, Margaret has lost her mind! Baby, you need to sleep! She's making me crazy, and she's certainly irritating the heck out of Josephine. The night before last, she was up from 3 a.m. to 5 a.m., and she spent the day with her big eyes and O mouth, waving her little fingers in the air, saying, "Feed me! Feed me!"
My favorite game: If Margaret were an animal, I'd say she'd be a hippo. She looks very cute and round, but don't be fooled. She's fierce, especially when hungry.


Anonymous Blue the Cat said...

Very stream of consciousness. Your husband sounds like a flake. PS: I don't think I approve of your use of the "N" word. Even within a citation. You're a white girl from Connecticut. What will you do next, get a nose ring? Now your kids will all be blacklisted from the Montessori (sp?) system. Who cares. They're too strange anyway. Like freemasons.

April 11, 2007 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Hilarious. Especially the part about hiding the Black and Hispanic kids.

April 13, 2007 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Dear Blue...Who's strange? My kids? And, for your information, I've been talking about a nose stud since the spring of 1992!!
Thank you, birdie!

April 13, 2007 at 10:38 AM  

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