Who you looking at?
The other day, one of our many aunties -- and that's auuuunties, not annnties, because we are from Connecticut, please -- sent me an urgent email titled, "Baby Contest -- You Must Enter." And here, a real quote from urgent email goes, "YOU HAVE TO ENTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR BABIES ARE WAY CUTER THAN ANY OTHER PICTURES THEY'VE SHOWN AND THEY ARE PERFECT FOR GERBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well! It is true! They are way cuter than any other babies in the contest. I mean, let's face it, they're way cuter than any other babies on the fricking Earth. It's their behavior that's a little less attractive. (I'm talking to you, girlfriend! Put down the poopy diaper!!)
Anyhoo, maybe I'll enter, maybe not, but frankly I'm leaning toward not because I think Josephine already displays many of the freakish behaviors associated with supermodels and I need not encourage them.
To wit:
1) She's obsessed with clothes. The other night, I made the enormous, Sarah Palin for VP-sized mistake of putting Margaret into the lavendar sparkly jammies and Josie into the red ones with moose applique. "Minez! Miiiiinez!" screeched Josephine, yanking on Margaret's sleeves, plucking at her zipper. Denied, she eventually collapsed in a sobbing, sleeveless puddle on the bathroom floor. (Margaret toddled off for a baba.) Now I know to say, "Which one?" She points -- "!inez!" -- and then, while I comb her hair, rolls a footie up into her armpit so nobody can take it away.
(Margaret doesn't care about clothes, except she likes to smooth her shirts over her belly.)
2) She's obsessed with accessories, namely the two sets of rainbow-striped "baby legs" that I got for free at last year's Baby Loves Disco. She wears two on her arms and two on her legs. Or, if she's feeling a little more Pretty Young Thing, she just pulls on a single sleeve.
See here...this is sort of her Slash look.
3) The supermodel physique! First she plops a pink strawberry into her water. Then a maple sausage. Then a handful of Cheerios. Fillet of fenny snake, boil and bake... When you exclaim, "Josephine! Stop playing with your food!" she'll take a few defiant sips of her murky brew, brows knotted, sisters gaping.
4) Bottled water. Supermodels are crazy about bottled water!! And so is Phinie-Weenie. When her poor dehydrated sisters clamor, "It's my turn!" she sticks her little tongue into the neck of the bottle and just keeps it there, like, "I may not be drinking this water, but bitches it's minez."
(That makes her sisters cry.)
5) Her penchant for costumes. See here...
So, I don't know. I'm tempted by the fame (and fortune! We would finally buy a gnome-shaped coffee table and apartment in Dublin!) but, all in all, it seems like a largish risk. Thoughts?
Well! It is true! They are way cuter than any other babies in the contest. I mean, let's face it, they're way cuter than any other babies on the fricking Earth. It's their behavior that's a little less attractive. (I'm talking to you, girlfriend! Put down the poopy diaper!!)
Anyhoo, maybe I'll enter, maybe not, but frankly I'm leaning toward not because I think Josephine already displays many of the freakish behaviors associated with supermodels and I need not encourage them.
To wit:
1) She's obsessed with clothes. The other night, I made the enormous, Sarah Palin for VP-sized mistake of putting Margaret into the lavendar sparkly jammies and Josie into the red ones with moose applique. "Minez! Miiiiinez!" screeched Josephine, yanking on Margaret's sleeves, plucking at her zipper. Denied, she eventually collapsed in a sobbing, sleeveless puddle on the bathroom floor. (Margaret toddled off for a baba.) Now I know to say, "Which one?" She points -- "!inez!" -- and then, while I comb her hair, rolls a footie up into her armpit so nobody can take it away.
(Margaret doesn't care about clothes, except she likes to smooth her shirts over her belly.)
2) She's obsessed with accessories, namely the two sets of rainbow-striped "baby legs" that I got for free at last year's Baby Loves Disco. She wears two on her arms and two on her legs. Or, if she's feeling a little more Pretty Young Thing, she just pulls on a single sleeve.
See here...this is sort of her Slash look.
3) The supermodel physique! First she plops a pink strawberry into her water. Then a maple sausage. Then a handful of Cheerios. Fillet of fenny snake, boil and bake... When you exclaim, "Josephine! Stop playing with your food!" she'll take a few defiant sips of her murky brew, brows knotted, sisters gaping.
4) Bottled water. Supermodels are crazy about bottled water!! And so is Phinie-Weenie. When her poor dehydrated sisters clamor, "It's my turn!" she sticks her little tongue into the neck of the bottle and just keeps it there, like, "I may not be drinking this water, but bitches it's minez."
(That makes her sisters cry.)
5) Her penchant for costumes. See here...
So, I don't know. I'm tempted by the fame (and fortune! We would finally buy a gnome-shaped coffee table and apartment in Dublin!) but, all in all, it seems like a largish risk. Thoughts?
posted by Mary Ellen at
11:58 AM
4 Comments:
For the hair alone, I would vote for her. Rock on, baby!!
I seem to remember some enormously pregnant woman saying "I'll dress them identically so there won't be fights over who wears what." Sure, a few months later it became "be happy they're dressed!" but maybe it's time for twin clothes. Yes, I am laughing while I write this.
Why not enter her? The only thing that can happen is she wins and helps pay her college education. Enter them both or else Margaret will develop a complex. Can you enter both? Maybe they can be the new Doublemint twins!
LOL!
Don't bother. My two sweeties have the contest sewed up.
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