As some of you know, we're driving to Cape Cod next week.... TEN HOURS!!!! So, let's review how the hour-long ride from Baltimore to Arlington went yesterday.
1 p.m.: Get in car.
1:05 p.m.: Uh-oh, gas light on! Stop for gas. Pull into station, stop the car, hop out. Realize gas tank is on the other side of massive minivan. Get back in. Do a U-turn. Stop and hop again. Of course, Lucy insists on helping, i.e. standing there with a small hand on the pump, repeating, "I'm helping Mommy! I'm helping! No!! I do it!!" and then scampering around the front seat demanding, "I drive home!" And then, inexplicably, "I want pockcorn!"
1:20 p.m.: Get on highway.
1:22 p.m.: "Mommy! I dintdint want to leave Jake's house, Mommy!"
1:23 p.m.: "Mommy! I drop my shoe! I need my shoe! I need it!!"
1:24 p.m.: "Mommy! Look! That car! Why it no have top?"
1:25 p.m.: "But, but, I want the wind in my hair too!"
1:26 p.m.: "Mommy! I dintdint want to leave Jake's house! I jus, I jus, I jus dintdint!"
1:27 p.m.: "Mommy! I tired."
1:43 p.m.: "Mommy! I need to poop!"
1:44 p.m.: "Poop! Stay in there!"
(Massive calculations going on in driver's head. How long can 2-year-old hold poop? Hm. Not long. How long can babies stay quiet? Hm. Not long -- especially if we stop the car... Should driver go to McDonald's, take all three into bathroom? Would driver be forced to buy chicken nuggets? Would babies scream? Yes, and yes. Oh dear.)
1:58 p.m.: "Mommy! I need to poop!"
2:00 p.m.: Quick exit from DC Beltway into residential area. No McDonalds. Look for wooded area instead. Check glove compartment. Bingo! Napkins! Stop minivan. And...(Note to readers: Not for the squeamish or dog-walkers...) Hold Lucy so that she can poooooop on the side of the road.
2:05 p.m.: Back on Beltway. Babies are screaming!!!
2:07 p.m.: Intense summer rainstorm. Must stop speeding!!
2:08 p.m.: "Mommy! The babies cryin!!"
2:09 p.m.: SREEEEEEAM!
2:12 p.m.: "Mommy! I can't listen anymore!!"
2:13 p.m.: All three begin sobbing.
2:15 p.m.: There's no place like home!!