Hava Nagila!

Woohee!! Lucy and I went up to Connecticut on Saturday for the party of the season -- my nephew William's bar mitzvah -- and now our phone is ringing off the hook! "No, Lucy is NOT here...for the fifth time, she doesn't want to talk to you! ...she's busy on Friday... she's busy Saturday too... no, listen, she's busy all the time... it was just a dance... yeah, well, she shows her belly to EVERYBODY, I'm afraid... stop calling us!!"

The highlights:

Lucy and I, and her Auntie Kathy, got to undress the Torah! On our way up to the special Torah place, which is protected by a golden motorized gate, Lucy announces, "I have to poop!" Oh dear. "You have to wait!" I hiss back. Later, she waves off my hand, "I do it MYSELF!" she shouts, and descends from the bima (sp?), one step at a time, slowly, slooowly, while her audience watches enthralled.

The mini green-tea martini.

My brother-in-law's Aunt Florence asks my mother if she's had a facelift!! Oh, the thrill! My mother laughs hysterically. "I can't afford a facelift!" she gasps. What a hottie! She tells me this story THREE more times the following morning. And I don't blame her.

The beta fighting-fish centerpieces.

My brother-in-law's cousin's new husband is there -- and it turns out he is the ex-boyfriend of one of my ex-colleague's from the Herald, and not just any ex-colleague, but the girl who stole my yogurt from the office refrigerator TWICE. And yes, I had my name on it in black Sharpie pen. And yes, I know it was her, because I found them both times in her garbage. She was a yogurt thief! She was also very skinny. I think she was on a diet where she could only eat what she stole. I told her ex and he said, "You got off easy. She stole my heart."

(No, he didn't really say that. But it would have been a good line.)

Anyway, the whole thing made me envious of the Jews. I know, I know, people are always trying to kill them. But I love a good ceremony. And a party! Of course, if I were a Jew, I wouldn't get the big BM. I'd get the little bm, which I think they invented for girls in the late-70s. (Still, on the whole, BM or bm, I think the contemporary Jewish faith does much better by its women than say...the Catholic Church. You don't hear anybody fussing about women rabbis.)

At 10 pm -- TWO hours after bedtime -- I said to Lucy, "You want to leave?" She said, "No! I want to dance!" At 11. we finally said good-bye and Lucy complained the whole way back to my parents' house, "I wanted to stay for cake!"