Are you there God?
The other day I was driving home with Lucy, who says to me at a red light: "You know, you can't just call God on the phone."
"Nope, you certainly can't," I agree.
"He hears you! Whatever you say, he hears you...In fact, he hears us right now, talking about him! Isn't that funny?"
Lucy learned about God's super Verizon plan at her daycare, which is run by a bunch of nuts. Oh no! I meant Baptists. They're actually very nice -- and I do not object at all to their spreading this idea of a super playground spy named God. That could be quite helpful.
But it all sounds a lot like somebody else we've been talking about...Santa Claus! Who has the same super-sensory hearing. "Do you think Santa Claus brings toys to whiny children?" I ask. "I don't think so. And you know he hears you." Last night found Lucy pointing a flashlight into the night sky: "Santa Claus! Are you there? I want a trampoline!" And then, when that didn't work, she spun into the air: "God? Are you listening? Tell Santa Claus to come see me!"
There is a new Holy Trinity in our house: God, Santa Claus and Poppa, who, like I may have said before, went to school with Santa Claus and now, it turns out, is also good friends with God. Or so says Lucy.
I'm not anti-God, by the way, I'm anti-Catholic, which is a completely reasonable thing to be. (They were anti-women first.) Original sin? Please. Purgatory? Limbo? For unbaptized babies?? Who makes this stuff up?! My grandmother, Nan, used to say that she didn't have a problem with the Church, it was just the men in it. And I see her point.*
But I am thinking about becoming a Unitarian. As far as I can tell, it's a religion that mostly has to do with helping the homeless and learning to Morris dance. I do think the first is a very worthy endeavor. And I might be able to do a book club or something instead of the latter.
Anyhoo, back to Santa Claus, Lucy got the most fantastic letter in the mail last week from Santa! (Or maybe one of his two buddies, see above...) He was delighted to get her old nipple! He was thinking about giving it to a new baby, but then Katie the Elf got her hands on it and now she squeaks all the time in the workshop. Everybody knows where she is! Katie tried to sign the letter too, but she doesn't know how to write yet. She just made a squiggle.
*Important addendum: I do think they've got some things right: for example, demon possession, miracles, liberation theology, Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy, Graham Greene, and grace in everyday life.
"Nope, you certainly can't," I agree.
"He hears you! Whatever you say, he hears you...In fact, he hears us right now, talking about him! Isn't that funny?"
Lucy learned about God's super Verizon plan at her daycare, which is run by a bunch of nuts. Oh no! I meant Baptists. They're actually very nice -- and I do not object at all to their spreading this idea of a super playground spy named God. That could be quite helpful.
But it all sounds a lot like somebody else we've been talking about...Santa Claus! Who has the same super-sensory hearing. "Do you think Santa Claus brings toys to whiny children?" I ask. "I don't think so. And you know he hears you." Last night found Lucy pointing a flashlight into the night sky: "Santa Claus! Are you there? I want a trampoline!" And then, when that didn't work, she spun into the air: "God? Are you listening? Tell Santa Claus to come see me!"
There is a new Holy Trinity in our house: God, Santa Claus and Poppa, who, like I may have said before, went to school with Santa Claus and now, it turns out, is also good friends with God. Or so says Lucy.
I'm not anti-God, by the way, I'm anti-Catholic, which is a completely reasonable thing to be. (They were anti-women first.) Original sin? Please. Purgatory? Limbo? For unbaptized babies?? Who makes this stuff up?! My grandmother, Nan, used to say that she didn't have a problem with the Church, it was just the men in it. And I see her point.*
But I am thinking about becoming a Unitarian. As far as I can tell, it's a religion that mostly has to do with helping the homeless and learning to Morris dance. I do think the first is a very worthy endeavor. And I might be able to do a book club or something instead of the latter.
Anyhoo, back to Santa Claus, Lucy got the most fantastic letter in the mail last week from Santa! (Or maybe one of his two buddies, see above...) He was delighted to get her old nipple! He was thinking about giving it to a new baby, but then Katie the Elf got her hands on it and now she squeaks all the time in the workshop. Everybody knows where she is! Katie tried to sign the letter too, but she doesn't know how to write yet. She just made a squiggle.
*Important addendum: I do think they've got some things right: for example, demon possession, miracles, liberation theology, Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy, Graham Greene, and grace in everyday life.
posted by Mary Ellen at
12:51 PM
7 Comments:
Hee, anti-Catholic does seem entirely rational to me! And our twin club meets in a Unitarian church, and I'm totally in love with it based solely on the library where we meet. It's the most eclectic collection of books. I'm totally cool with a church that has such an awesome library!
I kind of like the incense and most of the saints.
Though the whole cult around saints' relics is a little creepy.
Officially my favorite of all your posts, ever. "I want a trampoline!" LOL!!!
I vote when the trampoline arrives, because it will, when the first child knocks herself cold, when she comes to say "quick, which god did you see?" True, there is a 70% chance you'll end up worshipping babies or cookies, but it's worth a try!
Cause you know my vote, as the child of UU crazies, on the UU thing...
You know, it's funny that you're considering becoming a Unitarian, since most UU members are recovering Catholics anyway.
Since growing up Unitarian imbued me with virtually no spirituality whatsoever and instead left me with a head full of scepticism, perhaps I'll become a Catholic. That must be where all the recovering Unitarians wind up! Plus they always made themselves the coolest buildings, which you know I appreciate.
I'll offer for consideration three comments on Unitariasm from The Simpsons:
1. Homer: "Unitarian?! If that's the one true faith I'll eat my hat."
2. Homer: "Whaddya have to do to convert to Catholicism? Wail on a few Unitarians?"
3. At the church social, Rev. Lovejoy gives Lisa a bowl of Unitarian ice cream.
Lisa: "But it's empty."
Rev. Lovejoy: "Thaaaat's the point."
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