From the County Fair Board

Dear Mary Ellen,

Congratulations on your second-place finish! Contrary to your wicked husband's report, there were many more than two entries in the fruitcake division. We think there were 200! More or less. In any case, the judges (except for the junior judge from Cherrydale, who was rushed to Arlington Medical after her face pretty much doubled in size, right there in the exhibit hall... perchance were there toxic sulfites in those apricots?) were truly delighted by your extensive list of dried fruits. Mangos are good luck, no?

We felt obligated to give old Mrs. McGillicuddy first place, but mostly because we know she has cancer. (Next year, it's all you!)

We also want to congratulate Auntie Pamela, who turned out to be the very best knitter in Arlington County!! (We understand she's never actually made anything for you, not even the felted ball necklace that you asked for TWO YEARS AGO, so you will just have to accept our word: She's very good!) We did hesitate to give her the biggest best-in-show ribbon (her health is quite good, after all...) but we felt rewarded when her screams of joy reached the top car on the Ferris Wheel.

Thanks for participating!